Today
I Am disturbed and feeling sad for a 3 year old kid, a pregnant wife of 30
years and for the person whose lying today on death bed. I was feeling helpless,
there loss was unmeasurable and unimaginative. I am not sure how to put this in
words but the loss here about which I am talking about is not only the loss of
life but a loss of humanity, a loss of life and moreover a loss of a warrior.
Months
back, when I saw Aman lying in the bed helpless I was in tears and was trying
to comprehend what a person like Aman would be going through right now who has
given everything for his beloved people but now that same person I lying there
In front of me helplessly seeking for death to come . Few day back when I got a
news from his wife that his heart ceased and he finally died completely. I
didn't know what to say to her. It was for the first time in my life that I was
dumbstruck and was fumbling for words today I lost a friend a brother and a
person whom I had admired the most in my life.
Aman
was a dear friend of mine since the school time. I would rather say he was a
person a perfect balance of a friend and family. I being orphaned at a very
early age never came to know about the comfort and meaning of family, till the
time I met Aman in my formative years of school. I began visiting his house and
came to know how a person called mother (ma) feels, how mother cares for the
child, till than I never felt I was deprived by the nature from any comfort of
life but suddenly this new definition of family and mother flabbergasted me and
annihilated my kingdom comfort.. Aman knew the loss of a parent, he lost his
father in the militant attack Lal Chowk firing in 1993, when he was in his
Shikara a wild bullet struck in his head and he was dead on the spot. Aman was
of 8 years then when the misfortune befallen on him and his mother , his mother
used to work on the shikara aftermath and used to earn a meager income . The
rate of deterioration of the social condition of valley and economic condition
of Aman's home was same. It felt like valley had deep relation with Aman. Being
a person who has seen difficulties of life he was close to the realities. He
was focused in studies, because for him studies were the only way by doing
which he could get a good job and could help his mother.
MOVING
AHEAD IN THE TIME FRAME:-
It
was my 20th birthday
Aman came to me he was not looking well and his face was ashen-end, pale and
looked the same when he got the news of his father's death. I half-jokingly
asked him “who died? Why are you looking pale and sick?” He saw me right in my
eyes and told nobody died but is dying as we are talking. I asked him to
explain me what he was talking about. Yar amijaaan …...... he started crying,
asked what happened to Amijaan? He was crying for quite a time unable to speak
I grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard asked him what damn happened to Amijaan.
He
was again mute just the muffled cries were coming from his throat .I could no
longer restrain myslef to know what happened to Ammijan so I ran towards his
house towards_Cheeni Chowk . From quite a distance I saw black smoke rising in
the sky, people hurling and running for buckets of water, I couldn't believe
what I was seeing I wanted to get faint, to die, and to wake up from a bad
dream all at a same time. But I want prepared to see the next thing I turned
towards hi house and it was visible now form the Khan Bazar Road. The houses in
the Aman's colony were burning in the high flames and people were trying to
douse the fire. I ran at my fast pace, I was running breathlessly towards his
house. Suddenly I felt jolted and I got tripped over something , I tried to
stand up again but my hand slipped watching in the direction of Aman's house I
never noticed why I tripped what was the thing on which I tripped . People came
to my rescue they wiped of dust from my white kurta but the thing they couldn’t
wipe and will not be able to wipe from my mind was the human blood on my white
kurta I fainted the second I saw the thing on which I tripped.
It
was hell of a lot paining my ankle got dislocated with the injury .I had hazy
memory about what happened in the morning. It tried to remember hard and make
connections about the happenings. Suddenly I felt a comforting touch, somebody
gabbed my hand with the soft hands, it was a relief to know somebody is there
beside my hospital bed to help me. I turned my head slowly my neck pained a bit.
But it was manageable, when I saw a familiar face of my friend Aman. He had a
stint of joy, smile on his face and his eyes were teary. None of us poke for a moment,
we wanted to remain silent forever, and I didn't wanted to know what happened
earlier this morning. He stood up and was going to leave, he strode across the
room and was about to exit, but came back and hugged me and started crying. I
didn't asked him neither he told me anything about the happenings of the day. He
just stood there taking me in his arms and continued to cry for a long time.
After an hour or so the silence in the gloomy room was broken by the nurse, she
came in for a routine check-up and told me that earlier this morning I was
brought here in unconscious condition , which was because of the anxiety attack
which I suffered because I saw blood oozing out from a dead body of a bomb
blast victim. She spoke like nothing has happened I felt like I am again given
a new scar on my soul. My people again have suffered because of some misguided
jihad-is. I felt a pain in my heart , I could feel my ophthalmic artery
pounding in my head gushing with the blood of vengeance I wanted to get out of
the bed and wanted to kill those bastards who killed my people my friend’s
father and now hi mother was dying with 96% burns ….. But all the pounding
stopped everything felt silent only the sound I could hear was of the cold
January end wind blowing out on the fresh snow . Only one fear was now in my
head what Aman ha to tell me I regarding amijann? The news should be good or
else I will be devastated again …...but now that will be forever. My senses of
affection will be doused off if any unfortunate thing happened to her... Aman
turned to me and looked with the small strained eyes of his and his silence
told me all but still I couldn't believe that the lady, the person who made me
well versed with the relationship of mother and defined a term family for me I
no more and was dead because of Militant bombing in Cheeni Chowk..
I
was heartbroken we two were sitting in the room and staring at each other with
teary eyes now I became orphaned once more now the pain searing in my chest
rose to throat and became a lump I couldn't speak anything I couldn't console
my brother I couldn’t hug him I froze in the chilly evening and laid there
still staring towards Aman.
We
didn't talked for a two or three days we didn't knew what to say to each other
for a long time the loss of mother was same for both of us we couldn't console
each other. The fire vengeance was avenging in me but Aman looked calmer and
contented with the condition of the valley. Soon he became self-involved and He
moved on with his life he left the studies and started working at the lake in
place of his mother in the shikara... I tried to convince him to study but all
went down the drain he was too broken to hear all anything. With the passage of
time things started to heal up but the memoirs were still were fresh the
bombings, bullets, militants lal chowk ke kisse keep on happening don't know
when it will end.
Opportunities
for educated people were shrinking with every passing day, so I decided to move
away from Kashmir after completing my graduation to Delhi as I was getting a
respectable job there in travel industry. I advised Aman to leave with me to
Delhi where he could have found a work but he imply denied he wanted to live
and take his last breath where his parent took theirs. He refused to come out
of the rotting heaven on earth. With a very heavy heart I took depart from the
valley on august 23 19__
And
came to Delhi …......
Time
passed 4 years later I came back to valley to my orphanage's get together. It
filled me with happiness that I was getting a chance an excuse to visit my land
where I grew up. And moreover I was going to meet my friend Aman again. I
reached Kashmir, Srinagar on 27 October 19__.
I
passed from Lal Chowk , entire Chowk is was defaced now the building are torn
down near the centre of activity in Kashmir. Army men were on each every corner
of the road and nowhere it look like my own beloved Kashmir which it used to
look few years back........
I travelled
across the city to reach the road and when I reached there I saw a lady was
there outside Aman's house who had broom in her hand and was sweeping the periphery.
On asking her I came to know that lady in front of the house was the wife of
Aman , I told her about me , in an instant she told me about me and Aman's
adventures our stories of childhood and she told me that Aman used to talk
about our friendship and the time we spent together . Upon asking about the well-being
of Aman her joy faded away he was no longer smiling and talking. Her eyes went numb.
I asked again about Aman. She then asked me to come with her he guided me to a
room ...it was a same room where her mother dead body was found 5 year back
….he was lying on a bed and looked all weak and wrecked ...his face lighted up
upon seeing me... he kept on lying on the bed and made no move to move and hug
me ...I tried to say salaam walle kum and waited for his reply ...no reply came
from other side … I was baffled that what has happened to my friend . I looked
back at his wife she standing on the doorway with her numb eyes.
Aman tried to rise from bed but couldn't he
tried to speak but it was just a hum of some sound from his vocal cords I could
hear....in this while Aman's wife brought me a chair I sat near Aman and she
sat on the bed near Aman's feet , she started to tell that 3 year back when
they got married , a short while after Aman started having back pains and
started felling numbness in the toes … on the first diagnosis doctors thought
it was because of the strenuous nature of work of his he is getting the problem....they
advised to rest for few days … which he did and felt somewhat better but soon
after that in a week or so he was unable to stand his feet went cold and he
diagnosed by paralysis...he was completely broken after that. According to
doctors it happened because of the condition named Lumbar spinal steno sis which Is a rare disorder in which the
spinal cord vertebrates tarts narrowing down and the patient lost the
locomotion ability and then slowly a spinal column narrow the nerves are
pressed and the body ceases to function …....and the patient and his family has
to wait till the time the heart functioning ceases..
a
lump formed in my throat I wanted to vent out all my anger vengeance and
agitation on the people because of whom Aman suffered and wasn't able to all
those things which a man of his age would have had done …. But I had to control
my feeling because I have a friend to console..... I moved to outside in the
veranda to let the moment pass of me. What I should think in the situation like
this I was unable to comprehend what was happening from last 1 hour to me it
too much to ingest. I turned my back to the room and got off the veranda stairs
and stopped a rickshaw and told him to go towards Lal Chowk. I turned my back
from a friend once again I didn't had enough courage to see in his eye and say
everything will be alright in a short while …
After
I received the call of Aman's wife informing me of demise of Aman I thought was
It right on my part to get off the curb after all those years of sharing and
caring ….
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